RE-ASSESSMENT

Today has been a day of clarity and re-assessment. It has felt so refreshing, although none of the decisions and "light bulb moments" are all that earth shattering.

I have been struggling with the transition from school to full time housewife and finding more than ample things to do around the house that has been neglected. I have actually had to curtail myself and only let myself do so much so I do not completely spend my day without acting on some intersts and fulfillments.

One event that has been taking a lot of time is that I have been working with 2 other women, (that are incredible), on the YCity Writer's Conference and we have put together a great conference. (See at http://ycitywritersforum.blogspot.com) This has taken a tremendous amount of time and over 500 emails back and forth and to others. I have never experienced putting everything together online before and it is exhilerating. Much to my surprise it has also bonded the 3 of us and let us know each other better, becoming closer. I would never have believed this could all happen online. It proves to me that communication can happen or cannot happen in any media, it is the willingness of the participants, that decides the results.

By working on the conference I have struggled to fulfill some other ideas I have wanted to daily implement. This has included working regularly with the dog training, writing daily on this blog, working on learning German and shorthand, writing some pieces, (one missed contest date), practicing some drawing techniques, and doing some music. The list itself seems pretty long doesn't it?

Recently by reading Jones' book, The Virginia Woolf Writers Workshop, I have re-looked at how I am implementing fulfilling acts in my life. I can quilt as my husband blogs. I can read instead of aimlessly wandering on the net, and do it outside where I can enjoy the puppies too. I can do needlecraft in various meetings I go to and jot down ideas in the handy Molskine books my husband got us. I can sing as I drive and do housework, and exercise outdoors, or inside when others are sleeping, so I am not taking away from others company, or do it in their midst for a good laugh.

The one area though that I have felt sorely neglected in is the need to grow things. I have not had a garden in two years and the cats think houseplants, mean snacktime. What has come to mind is high school Biology, Sr. Theresa Clair (T.C.), teaching us to use the tops of carrots for ferns, sweet potatos for vines, avocadoes for dark green, pineapple tops for the tropical - experiment! Last week even the aquarium guy offered some inspiration and suggested water plants in a bowl by the window. Also I have been collecting seeds from our fruits and vegetables lately, placing them in the top of the sprouter for safe keeping. The time has come!

This afternoon I filled a bowl with filtered water and dropped in water plant seeds. It is sitting on my kitchen window shelf next to my sprouter. I put fresh seeds in the sprouter on all 3 levels, living it up, so to speak! I have let water flow on the avocado and peach seeds, watered the Christmas Cactus, made a mental note to save the next carrot top when I make the net doggy stew, and put fresh pinapple and a sweet potato, with starts, on the next grocery list.

They are small acts, yes. But acts that let me live more fulfilled, able to do my daily tasks with more ease and enjoyment and give me breathing space to let in more on my agenda.

Who says we don't remember anything from high school Biology? T.C. would be proud!

My New Days!

Did you ever have one of those decisions in life that just came to you and you knew it was right? That has happened.

My husband
and I have made the decision for me to postpone my schooling for now. My assuming degree at the moment would only be pandering, and there are more pressing matters. I am stopping and Loki, our St. Bernard that we are training to be my handicap assist dog are going to school. We also will be putting Ming Fou, our little chow chow in puppy preschool, and she will be trained to be a therapy dog.

Our Writer's Group
is coming up in November, too. This will allow me more time to work on the conference, my charity groups, hobbies and spoil my new husband and the 10 furries. See, it did not take any time at all to fill up that school time?

It feels right - I will be letting you know how it goes. But for now, school is still in session until August 24th.

The Hours

My husband and I just watched the movie The Hours. It was incredible. I have watched more movies in the time since I met my husband, than the whole of my life, and really good ones. This was superb. I already have signed up for one of Virginia Woof's books in dailylit.com, curious after the movie.

After my post yesterday, today is quite an interesting study. And the movie seems to follow my present path of thinking with it. My day started quite ordinary. We were up early, since my husband has decided to start running again. I had fed and cleaned up after the furries and scallies and all of a sudden Loki, our St. Bernard, got a very tummy sick. My husband took care of the mess and I tried to comfort the little 145 pd guy. He seems so small to me when he is sick.

My husband went to work and I decided to spend the day at home with our sick boy. I had planned on going in town and getting my name changed today and my hair cut. Quite indulging girly things, it seems now. All of a sudden none of that mattered. We are married and me and my husband, and our friends and family, know that I am Mrs. It can wait. Our baby can not.

As I watched him sleep today I tried to calm my fears by doing housework. After the "babies" I attacked the kitchen and the laundry, made puppy stew and tried to push the fear from my mind of how I would ever be able to get him to the vet if something really bad would happen.

All of a sudden my "assist dog" would be depending on me. He is not a cat, no matter how often he responds to "kitty, kitty". I could not lift him. There are no animal ambulances. My only salvation in emergency is that he faithfully follows me when I ask, and most other times. Especially if he thinks I am upset. I would be upset.

I moved on to my school work. Becoming frustrated at times, but finishing at least the work for today. I have not showered, too scared to be in a vulnerable position if something went wrong. Finally I asked my husband when he could come home. He came.He is worried too, and womehow all of us together, made it feel more safe.

By then Loki was starting to eat a little, drink and relieve himself. His little chow sister, Ming Fou is trying to irritate him back to life. She is at least winning at one of these. He has finally eaten a full bowl of food as my husband went off to his volunteer time. As I look at my reflection in the computer screen I look like a mother who has had a sick child and desperetly needs to shower and change clothes. I shall do that now.

These have been my hours today. They have been full, hard and fulfilling.

Housewife Politics

As I do my daily chores and activities I am amazed at how easy it is to forget that we will be making a decision in November that will effect every aspect of our lives. Caught in daily tasks it is easy to think that no matter what happens, life will just go on as usual. And even if it does, is that good? What am I doing to help make changes? Is my daily life worthwhile politically?

In my younger days I was involved with many special interest groups. I marched and boycotted and signed petitions. I worked in the fields the the UFW, worked in soup kitchens and gave up meals in the hopes that others could eat.

Today I get up early with my new husband. We start the morning with taking immediate care of our 8 cats and 2 dogs and an aquarium. (We have been involved with fostering before, so yes we are parents of 10.) I spend a good amount of time in their care, since I cook most of the canine food. I also feed the birds, hummingbirds, butterflies and have places for them all to nest. Preserving wildlife is important to me.

I keep a small garden. (I am a newlywed!) We try to find ways to recycle, give to charity. We volunteer at organizations - but what can this do for the elections? I go to school online, for my own benefit and to be an example to women in our community. Is my education being of benefit to the country?

As I do needlecraft for charities and spend time with Alzheimer's groups I wonder what will happen to these people if we do not effect the election. More and more is needed each year, and less and less seems to be there and there are no easy answers. As I quilt with the ladies and hold office at ladies aid I wonder who will lose their homes, paying their or their loved one's hospital bills. And what can one person do? Not much, unless the one person are lawmakers and presidents. And they do not do it alone. They need us to vote them in.

Each day I spend time reading various political essay blogs. To keep abreast at what is going on and to have intelligent conversation with my husband. We join politcal organizations, but at the end of the day, it looks like not much as been accomplished on the elective front.

This is not a very informative blog. It has many questions. And I do not know the answers to them. Any ideas to make a fulfilled life of more use?

Incredible Screw-up

I can not believe what I did! I have been having trouble with the Sociology Class that I am taking online. It has been very challenging no matter how much I like the class. I have focased on it so much that without realizing it I had posted the information from the Sociology class project onto the Research Writing post. So now, will they accept it? Will they make me redo projects? Will they penalize me? Acceptance of consequences! not my favorite thing!
Oh well.

Talking - Writing

Today I spent half of it out in the world. Which is not as common for me anymore. Even though I leave the house most every day I have specific places that I go to. Regularly attended meetings, quilting, ladies aid, writer's group, art meetings - get the idea? So being out "among them" is not such a norm today. The day to day conversation of people is very revealing - in person and on the internet.

With the benefit of daily lit I am reading a lot of literature in small doses via my email. The first thing that I notice is that in the past many authors vocabulary were very broad. They thought things through. And even though they related personal experiences it was done in a way that anyone could relate to, and some if it has at least lasted for one century. It was easy to see that people saw that we are only part and parcel of the whole. They not only saw it, they related it so that we could see it too. People voiced their thoughts and their feelings. No, I take that back, something more than their feelings - authentic emotions. Not as trivial as feelings.

Instead of the reality of the universe, today I was met with more detailed answers from clerks when I said, "How are you?" than I could imagine. I heard from people in lines at the cashier line more intimate details than I was comfortable with. How come complaining, even though we think it is universal, never hits the same chord inside us that does true joy, grief or rapture? Sure, we can voice any or all of our thoughts, but if we knew that Thomas Jefferson or Walt Whitman was in the store, would we want to? Having the right and the discretion are two different things, ok, they used to be.

Speaking of speaking........ I had the experience of getting my information confused and having to return to the drugstore for a pharmacy purchase three times. It was sad to me that the clerk seemed to be scared of my reaction. (No, I had not met her before.) As I thought of expressing my frustration a few things dawned on me. I hope these can be universal and strike a chord.

First of all - they do not give a discount if I am difficult, so it does not pay - literally. Second, people do not get paid to be stupid or nasty, so there is no sense in inferring it. Third, I do not help alot trying to a "Bitch for Jesus". Remember what we used to teach children? Walk through the world as a compassionate prince or princess. See how it works tomorrow.

For now I just decided I should go home, before my "inner bitch" revealed herself. After all, I wear pearls now. It changes a woman.