Lady Gwenivere Traci

For the last week or so I have felt like I am living in the time of Mists of Avalon . While my husband goes off to slay dragons each day I am here, mostly here, in the castle tending to the hearth. Altho I am well aware of the impending if not present crisis with Wall Street etc my days are filled to the brim with everyday chores and trying to keep away the feeling of the "wolf at the door".

This week time was spend trying to beat the meat prices for my husband and the pups. Finally I procurred some for both. I had major discussions with the cleaning lady on the use of vinegar - I want, she doesn't - for all the floors, etc. I spent all of yesterday cooking vegetarian meals that can easily be eaten for rushed nights. And then there is the laundry issue, of cats mhmmming on the bed sheets.

The rest of my time is spent trying to find time to write, doing charity needlecraft and just figuring out supper. It is very easy to get involved in the immediacy of cold frames and winter gardening and tobogann making for seniors and children and not to realize that many things are falling down around me. To have good books to read, ample art supplies, enough yarn to cover the house and musical instruments galore and not see disaster. To spend my time holding furries and making sure everyone is paid attention to and is healthy - including my husband!

Now this the very chauvenistic traditional wife part of me - But isn't that the wife's job?

RE-ASSESSMENT

Today has been a day of clarity and re-assessment. It has felt so refreshing, although none of the decisions and "light bulb moments" are all that earth shattering.

I have been struggling with the transition from school to full time housewife and finding more than ample things to do around the house that has been neglected. I have actually had to curtail myself and only let myself do so much so I do not completely spend my day without acting on some intersts and fulfillments.

One event that has been taking a lot of time is that I have been working with 2 other women, (that are incredible), on the YCity Writer's Conference and we have put together a great conference. (See at http://ycitywritersforum.blogspot.com) This has taken a tremendous amount of time and over 500 emails back and forth and to others. I have never experienced putting everything together online before and it is exhilerating. Much to my surprise it has also bonded the 3 of us and let us know each other better, becoming closer. I would never have believed this could all happen online. It proves to me that communication can happen or cannot happen in any media, it is the willingness of the participants, that decides the results.

By working on the conference I have struggled to fulfill some other ideas I have wanted to daily implement. This has included working regularly with the dog training, writing daily on this blog, working on learning German and shorthand, writing some pieces, (one missed contest date), practicing some drawing techniques, and doing some music. The list itself seems pretty long doesn't it?

Recently by reading Jones' book, The Virginia Woolf Writers Workshop, I have re-looked at how I am implementing fulfilling acts in my life. I can quilt as my husband blogs. I can read instead of aimlessly wandering on the net, and do it outside where I can enjoy the puppies too. I can do needlecraft in various meetings I go to and jot down ideas in the handy Molskine books my husband got us. I can sing as I drive and do housework, and exercise outdoors, or inside when others are sleeping, so I am not taking away from others company, or do it in their midst for a good laugh.

The one area though that I have felt sorely neglected in is the need to grow things. I have not had a garden in two years and the cats think houseplants, mean snacktime. What has come to mind is high school Biology, Sr. Theresa Clair (T.C.), teaching us to use the tops of carrots for ferns, sweet potatos for vines, avocadoes for dark green, pineapple tops for the tropical - experiment! Last week even the aquarium guy offered some inspiration and suggested water plants in a bowl by the window. Also I have been collecting seeds from our fruits and vegetables lately, placing them in the top of the sprouter for safe keeping. The time has come!

This afternoon I filled a bowl with filtered water and dropped in water plant seeds. It is sitting on my kitchen window shelf next to my sprouter. I put fresh seeds in the sprouter on all 3 levels, living it up, so to speak! I have let water flow on the avocado and peach seeds, watered the Christmas Cactus, made a mental note to save the next carrot top when I make the net doggy stew, and put fresh pinapple and a sweet potato, with starts, on the next grocery list.

They are small acts, yes. But acts that let me live more fulfilled, able to do my daily tasks with more ease and enjoyment and give me breathing space to let in more on my agenda.

Who says we don't remember anything from high school Biology? T.C. would be proud!

My New Days!

Did you ever have one of those decisions in life that just came to you and you knew it was right? That has happened.

My husband
and I have made the decision for me to postpone my schooling for now. My assuming degree at the moment would only be pandering, and there are more pressing matters. I am stopping and Loki, our St. Bernard that we are training to be my handicap assist dog are going to school. We also will be putting Ming Fou, our little chow chow in puppy preschool, and she will be trained to be a therapy dog.

Our Writer's Group
is coming up in November, too. This will allow me more time to work on the conference, my charity groups, hobbies and spoil my new husband and the 10 furries. See, it did not take any time at all to fill up that school time?

It feels right - I will be letting you know how it goes. But for now, school is still in session until August 24th.

The Hours

My husband and I just watched the movie The Hours. It was incredible. I have watched more movies in the time since I met my husband, than the whole of my life, and really good ones. This was superb. I already have signed up for one of Virginia Woof's books in dailylit.com, curious after the movie.

After my post yesterday, today is quite an interesting study. And the movie seems to follow my present path of thinking with it. My day started quite ordinary. We were up early, since my husband has decided to start running again. I had fed and cleaned up after the furries and scallies and all of a sudden Loki, our St. Bernard, got a very tummy sick. My husband took care of the mess and I tried to comfort the little 145 pd guy. He seems so small to me when he is sick.

My husband went to work and I decided to spend the day at home with our sick boy. I had planned on going in town and getting my name changed today and my hair cut. Quite indulging girly things, it seems now. All of a sudden none of that mattered. We are married and me and my husband, and our friends and family, know that I am Mrs. It can wait. Our baby can not.

As I watched him sleep today I tried to calm my fears by doing housework. After the "babies" I attacked the kitchen and the laundry, made puppy stew and tried to push the fear from my mind of how I would ever be able to get him to the vet if something really bad would happen.

All of a sudden my "assist dog" would be depending on me. He is not a cat, no matter how often he responds to "kitty, kitty". I could not lift him. There are no animal ambulances. My only salvation in emergency is that he faithfully follows me when I ask, and most other times. Especially if he thinks I am upset. I would be upset.

I moved on to my school work. Becoming frustrated at times, but finishing at least the work for today. I have not showered, too scared to be in a vulnerable position if something went wrong. Finally I asked my husband when he could come home. He came.He is worried too, and womehow all of us together, made it feel more safe.

By then Loki was starting to eat a little, drink and relieve himself. His little chow sister, Ming Fou is trying to irritate him back to life. She is at least winning at one of these. He has finally eaten a full bowl of food as my husband went off to his volunteer time. As I look at my reflection in the computer screen I look like a mother who has had a sick child and desperetly needs to shower and change clothes. I shall do that now.

These have been my hours today. They have been full, hard and fulfilling.

Housewife Politics

As I do my daily chores and activities I am amazed at how easy it is to forget that we will be making a decision in November that will effect every aspect of our lives. Caught in daily tasks it is easy to think that no matter what happens, life will just go on as usual. And even if it does, is that good? What am I doing to help make changes? Is my daily life worthwhile politically?

In my younger days I was involved with many special interest groups. I marched and boycotted and signed petitions. I worked in the fields the the UFW, worked in soup kitchens and gave up meals in the hopes that others could eat.

Today I get up early with my new husband. We start the morning with taking immediate care of our 8 cats and 2 dogs and an aquarium. (We have been involved with fostering before, so yes we are parents of 10.) I spend a good amount of time in their care, since I cook most of the canine food. I also feed the birds, hummingbirds, butterflies and have places for them all to nest. Preserving wildlife is important to me.

I keep a small garden. (I am a newlywed!) We try to find ways to recycle, give to charity. We volunteer at organizations - but what can this do for the elections? I go to school online, for my own benefit and to be an example to women in our community. Is my education being of benefit to the country?

As I do needlecraft for charities and spend time with Alzheimer's groups I wonder what will happen to these people if we do not effect the election. More and more is needed each year, and less and less seems to be there and there are no easy answers. As I quilt with the ladies and hold office at ladies aid I wonder who will lose their homes, paying their or their loved one's hospital bills. And what can one person do? Not much, unless the one person are lawmakers and presidents. And they do not do it alone. They need us to vote them in.

Each day I spend time reading various political essay blogs. To keep abreast at what is going on and to have intelligent conversation with my husband. We join politcal organizations, but at the end of the day, it looks like not much as been accomplished on the elective front.

This is not a very informative blog. It has many questions. And I do not know the answers to them. Any ideas to make a fulfilled life of more use?

Incredible Screw-up

I can not believe what I did! I have been having trouble with the Sociology Class that I am taking online. It has been very challenging no matter how much I like the class. I have focased on it so much that without realizing it I had posted the information from the Sociology class project onto the Research Writing post. So now, will they accept it? Will they make me redo projects? Will they penalize me? Acceptance of consequences! not my favorite thing!
Oh well.

Talking - Writing

Today I spent half of it out in the world. Which is not as common for me anymore. Even though I leave the house most every day I have specific places that I go to. Regularly attended meetings, quilting, ladies aid, writer's group, art meetings - get the idea? So being out "among them" is not such a norm today. The day to day conversation of people is very revealing - in person and on the internet.

With the benefit of daily lit I am reading a lot of literature in small doses via my email. The first thing that I notice is that in the past many authors vocabulary were very broad. They thought things through. And even though they related personal experiences it was done in a way that anyone could relate to, and some if it has at least lasted for one century. It was easy to see that people saw that we are only part and parcel of the whole. They not only saw it, they related it so that we could see it too. People voiced their thoughts and their feelings. No, I take that back, something more than their feelings - authentic emotions. Not as trivial as feelings.

Instead of the reality of the universe, today I was met with more detailed answers from clerks when I said, "How are you?" than I could imagine. I heard from people in lines at the cashier line more intimate details than I was comfortable with. How come complaining, even though we think it is universal, never hits the same chord inside us that does true joy, grief or rapture? Sure, we can voice any or all of our thoughts, but if we knew that Thomas Jefferson or Walt Whitman was in the store, would we want to? Having the right and the discretion are two different things, ok, they used to be.

Speaking of speaking........ I had the experience of getting my information confused and having to return to the drugstore for a pharmacy purchase three times. It was sad to me that the clerk seemed to be scared of my reaction. (No, I had not met her before.) As I thought of expressing my frustration a few things dawned on me. I hope these can be universal and strike a chord.

First of all - they do not give a discount if I am difficult, so it does not pay - literally. Second, people do not get paid to be stupid or nasty, so there is no sense in inferring it. Third, I do not help alot trying to a "Bitch for Jesus". Remember what we used to teach children? Walk through the world as a compassionate prince or princess. See how it works tomorrow.

For now I just decided I should go home, before my "inner bitch" revealed herself. After all, I wear pearls now. It changes a woman.

Arboretum

Today we went again to the local arboretum. It is the second time this week that we have been able to go. It is such an amazing place. As soon as we drive onto the property I can feel myself let go of any weekly residuals.

My beloved and our puppy walk most of the length of the entire park and they park me and the car at a different place every time. Sometimes I am at the Japanese garden, sometimes the lake etc. Usually I spend the time doing my Tai Chi and looking at the scenery. Then I am able to play my flute or do some needlecraft. Today I chose to finish crocheting a toboggan for the Tibetan Nuns.

To be crocheting their hats in such a peaceful place is a dichatomy that is almost unbearable. Free Tibet.

Writer's Conference

Today we drove about 30 minutes out of town with friends to attend a writer's Conference. It was wonderful! The keynote speaker was authentic and friendly and talked about finding or unearthing our voice in writing. I also took two workshops on Poetry. One was on informal poetry and the other was on formal. They both were very well done. The woman who did informal poetry had wonderful excercies to bring out our words. The workshop on formal poetry was excellent. For the first time I feel like I have somewhat of a grasp on meter and rhyme. The man was well organized, articulate and you could tell he loved his topic.


The important part was that we were with other writers and there is an understanding there that is needed in lone work. It is nice to talk about the process and see how others integrate writing in their life. I have been looking forward to this day all year. My beloved and I got to go together. Interest in writing is something we have in common. And sharing this with our friends made a very pleasant day.

Mental Health System

I have spent the last few days I have spent time with a friend who has a life time in the mental health system, and once again has need to avail herself to their services. She is manic to the hilt. To the point where her physical health is compromised. Since her case manager had meetings this morning and we have had a history of a little over 20 years I said I would take her to the local mental health station so she could be re-evaluated and entered in the hospital.

Three hours later we had spent most of the time in a small office with each other. There were no patients in the waiting room and the staff was laughing and going from office to office. She is 64 years old and they actually wanted her to re-explain a suicide attempt at the age of 16 - she has been a client at this place for at least 22 years. They know her!

They asked her the date - she suggested they get calendars instead of always depending on her. They asked her who the President was, she answered correctly and suggested they watch TV. After this we waited again. Then we were told if we hung in there another 3 hours, we could could admitted. I said no!

I left her there when I realized that as long as I was there, they did not have to deal with her. She did not get attention if I as there. Once again the mentally ill are treated as the lepars of our society. This week she went to the ER and was dismissed because they had trouble dealing with her - this resulted in a slight heart atack and edema.

I wish I knew the answer - money does not seem to be it.

Tonite I went to a meeting for ZaaP - a local artist's group. It was the most well oiled meeting I have ever been to. It started at 5:30 and ended in 45 minutes. In that time we plugged everyone that had one's individual shows, decided on themes for the rest of the year, and decided sitting schedules for the next month. It was so nice that to see that the important topic was the art and not the buracracy.

Today was spend doing wonderful fulfilling things. We spent a leisurely morning at home with each other and then I went quilting. Afterwards I picked up my beloved and we went to lunch were we could eat out on the patio. Then we picked up the puppy and went to the local Arboretum for down time for me and excercise for them.

Home to study and eat supper, wait for basset blogging and got to bed to start all over again.

With the celebration of Earth Day I too have a few easy suggestions to make all of our lives a little more green. As with most things in life, it is the simplest ideas that can make our lives more pleasant and worthwhile. The big changes that we think of we often can not follow through with, as they start out too overwhelming and end soon.

One way to make life green in almost every way possible is to use vinegar as your main cleaning agent. Vinegar is a natural aneseptic, has a clean aroma and is gentle to all forms of the environment, including pets and humans. Vinegar in the laundry makes a big difference in the colorfast-ness of your clothes and does not pollute our water ways. I have used vinegar almost exclusively as a cleaner in my home. I have used it in the laundry, the floors and windows, the dishes, myself, my hair and the kittens. It is best used diluted with water. I also drink it each day, and it is said to be helpful with a number of ailments, and can be used in weight loss and mineral intake.

Growing sprouts is a good green adventure for the whole family. Any little space will do with the simplicity of a mason jar and cheesecloth. Sprouts add oxygen to your kitchen and green to your diet. If you have a little bit more room, a kitchen herb garden is also nice to have. Fresh herbs, eye candy and more oxygen, everyone wins.

Even apartment dwellers can garden in small containers. Tomatoes, peppers, leaf lettuce, basil, oregano, hot peppers are all easy crops. Or just a simple herb garden with edible flowers adds beauty to our surroundings. This simple act can also slow us down as we commit to the care of our green friends that nourish us.

Having the beauty of nature in front of us, helps remind us daily to be good guardians. Having a small acquariam and a terrarium gives us the benefits of the combined beauty of water, plants, earth, air, living beings and the fire of the sun. Recently during a recoup after surgery I found the benefits of green in a terrarium during the winter months. The other past time that benefitted me and nature was the act of feeding the birds. This not only helps the birds, but is a constant array of beauty and entertainment.

Finally if at all possible get out of doors every day. Walk, excercise, sit, and BREATHE. The more we are a part of nature, the more we will fight for it.

Libber

I have been reading lately how it seems that when people become liberated that means they take on traditionally male roles. I agree, that is mostly what I have seen and what I have done in the past. Lately though I am looking at liberation in a new light.

I am the most liberated at this time in my life than I have ever been. I am seeking to do things that matter to me and thata form my life. I am in love with a man I am to marry in June and am living with him presently. I have a houseful of furry children who win most of my daily attention. I am pursuing an education for the sole purpose of being educated and finishing an adult long endeavor. I am becoming more involved in the arts in my home town and am learning to put my work forward.

Today I had a young couple come and turn over the garden and two ladies came to clean, while I cooked for the large alergic furry (St. Bernard), did laundry and dishes. I read my literature blogs, my religious readings and did some political blogging. I will do homework soon and then work to have dinner in farious forms of ready. I hope to add writing, music and some needleart to my schedule. I have dropped some more "out of home" charity work and now leave only two days a week, for maybe three hours each. Other times I leave the house are errands, Dr appointments and evening meetings with my beloved. My day is full and I have never been so free.

My great grandmother was "blessed" with a traveling sort of man who picked female traveling guides and companions. She had given up her citizenship in order to marry him, because he was not yet a citizen. He left and eventually brought home wives and girlfriends as he came to visit his sons. She always welcomed these women with open arms and a meal at the head of the table, as long as she could stay on the farm and no one would take her boys. That is a true "libber". And all of this is liberation - true freedom.

Last day of Break

Today is the last day before school starts again. I couldn't help myself - I already posted my bio in one class. Then I read the criterea - I am overwhelmed already. But I am learning that that is what school is. It not only teaches classes, but coping with scheduling and management.

I am asking that anyone who reads this please send light to the following:
Cassie - a toddler with cancer
Haley - with ED
Hunter - reoccurring blood issures

Thank you

Up Again

I believe that my last post was exactly a month ago. My beloved is posting every day now. I have been working at essays and trying to prioritize. So many things such little time.

In our town we have these very large vases that are painted by artists in the area and then placed around town. I was asked to paint one. I am amazed. Today I received my vase and manyof us got together to paint. I am doing one relating to needleart and tole painting combined.

I have quit some of my out of home charity work. I am trying to do more charity work that goes with my interest in needleart. So many women tell me they can not contribute because they are home. There is so much to do -cancer patients, refugees, homeless, newborns and their mothers, war effort. Needleartists Unite!

I am going to start writing in my blog everyday too. Just do it.

Aquarium Day

Today we got a 20 gallon aquarium. It has a beautiful large pink shade and red rock and several plants. We have 2 fish - Gromies, I believe - they are named Grounder and Airy. Grounder, did not make it in right away, hit the floor first.

It is very peaceful and pretty, especially at night

We have 8 cats, 1 St. Bernard Puppy, feed the birds outside, have an EcoSphere, have Terrariums, am starting a garden and now the aquarium. Better than a fairy tale.

Writer's Group

Tonite was the Writer's Group. We meet twice a month on the first and third Tuesday. We get together to read our writings, talk about the writing process and occasionally have a speaker. Afterwards we all go to a restaurant for a small get together.

I love these two nights of the Month. It is about the "funiest" thing My Beloved and I do, especially with others. Since I am home most of the week now, it is really exciting to me. I dress up, and try to have something to read and then enjoy eating out with others.

This is where I originally met My Beloved. Now we have another couple that it looks like is coming out of the writer's group. Words are powerful things!

Recovery - Mine and His

Time has served me well since the Carpal Tunnel Surgeries. I am recovering well with the ability to do things I had not been able to do for months before the surgery. I can play the piano again, crochet, knit, quilt, etc and to My Beloved's delight sew on buttons.

It is a good thing that I am recovering because the St. Bernard Puppy is needing a lot of attention. Not only does there need to be a lot of time spent on his training, but he has also developed food allergies. Of course, he can't tell us what food makes him feel bad. So, presently, I am completely cooking for the puppy, Loki.

This is a very interesting venture - or adventure. We are following The Whole Pet Diet book and going by her recipes. Ok, so I make stew either every day, or double up in one day. He eats one crockpot a day, plus snacks. Then yesterday we found out that I also need to make the treats.

Did I mention that I have been a vegetarian for over 22 years? Cooking meat for my man is not a big deal, and often he does the meat part himself. Loki does not. For the first week we tried chicken, I thought I would go over the edge if I deboned one more chicken that week. Now we are on beef. Not as bad to mess with. Today I have made only one pot of stew and then I baked beef liver with garlic, rosemary and oregino for treats.

I am beginning to understand the whole meat on different plates than dairy thing. I am trying to wash everything in Clorox, wipe with vinegar. I bought different cutting boards for the vegie stuff. Trying to use different dishrags also. I bought different cookware and the list goes on.

Whatever he needs I will do. Be it deboning chicken or doing extra laundry for the clean-up and meds. Yet I am also beginning to understand the Native American idea that what you eat you take the spirit of. I have not been able to bear eating cow in a long time. Yet, that dear animal has given his blood that my baby may live. How incredible.

NEW THOUGHTS, ORDINARY DAY

Today is a Monday like many other. I see my man off to work and start the daily chores. I do laundry and feed and play with kitties and the St. Bernard Puppy and go over his obedience lessons with him. I started new sprouts today and set out crocus bulbs in a small jar in hope of blooms for Valentine's Day, and the watching of growing green in overcast January.



I open up my school work for the week after a much enjoyed Winter Break. I open up the syllabus and find that this week we will be studying Evolution and next week, how the Earth began. Pretty heady stuff as you fold sheets and hang shirts, huh?

What amazes me is that this is the first time that this subject has really been explored in my life. I went to a grade school where we never broached Evolution. I went to a high school where it was in our books, but the parochial school teacher glossed over it. The only "scientific" theory I ever fully heard was Creationism, or to be PC, Intelligent Design. Now through my electronic course I find it never was a theory, a belief, but not a theory.

Does it change my belief? I have been reading about Darwin's life and his Origin of the Species, he was not much interested in how things began, but how they formed here on earth. Interesting, I am sure, this is truly secular.

But past all the beliefs and theories and science and laundry, I'm a middle aged woman, going to college on line, in a small foothills of Appalachian town and a homemaker planning her next lace or charity project. "We've come a long way, baby!"

How Do You?

With the theme this year of "Just Doing It" some practical questions come to mind.

Today I had a pretty full day of housework and assist puppy dog training. In the midst of all I had about three phone calls. One was from my best-friend-cousin and two were from complainers. Now, I am in a fellowship that I have been a member of a long time and we have a tradition of calling each other and talking over our day and our concerns. I have no problem with that, I do it myself. I even have from time to time complained with a bad day. But what about the constant complainer?

This is a part of America that is truly growing. Because of growing communication people talk to each other like they have known each other for a life time and they just met in the grocery line. And do they tell you about the new great movie they saw? No! How about that their kid just got on the Honor Roll? No! How wonderful their man or woman is? No! Quite the opposite. Literally the opposite. The movie was lousy, their kids are brats and their significant other is a louse.

Or what about people that do know you on a more intimate basis? Do we get together and laugh? Hardly ever. We complain, and lately I've noticed I've even complained about the complainers. Not say anything? Sure, that's one idea, but there could be eventually an emotional nuclear explosion.

It is not considered polite to say anything except agreeing. That's why people can smile as they turn the knife in. I believe there has to be a middle road. I am going to start mentioning to a select group of people in my life, who continually whine, that I'm sorry they are sad, but I am not. I would help them be happy if I could, I can not. I am having a" no holds barred" no bullshit 2008. Do something different, then let know how you feel. And by the way, what did you DO today?

We all have bad days and need a sympathetic ear, no problem for me there, I am not exempt. But, let's laugh and smile, life is too short. And if I see you in the grocery store: The Harry Potter Movies are great, our Puppy will pass Obedience Class with flying colors, my cats are gorgeous and My Man is Wonderful!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Doesn't seem right not to do a traditional New Year's Wish to Everyone Posting. So Happy New Year, and I hope it is a good one.

I have never been one for New Year's Resolutions, we all know what we need to do each day. So let's just do it. Let's not even try this year - but actually do. Personal life, Civic Duty, Volunteer Work, Family Life it is easy to say we are overwhelmed and just stop. But actually it is not easier. The easier way is to do - and as we do we naturally we simplify and enjoy. When we stop we encounter guilt and overwhelming feelings and it never changes, except for the worse.

On a personal note, it was an amazing New Year's Eve. My beloved and I went to my cousins party. A Baptist New Year's, no alcohol. Which was relaxing since we don't drink. Sparking Juice was poured freely in three flavors and mixed without danger. The guys played Pool and Euchre, the girl's put together a jigsaw puzzle together. Such fun - How can people have more fun - I truly don't think they do?

The magical moment at midnight was truly so. I have never been out on New Year's Eve before with a fella, been kissed at the bewitching hour - and this was my engaged. Truly romantic and wonderful. My Fall is truly filled with Golden Colors.

Wishing the same for all.